Published Humanitas, Volume VIII, No. 2, 1995

How to Make Pals and Impress Important People with your own Universal Ignorance

Just follow our “Philosopher-Maker” program in FIVE easy steps:

1. Buttonhole important people and show off—by explaining that a) they are really stupid but b) you aren’t so stupid because c) you already knew you were stupid but they didn’t! See My Apology for Everybody, with full horse-hide-like binding [Simulahide @].

2. Show up late and uninvited to parties for important people. Taunt some of the guests, especially the tough-guy types. When they are just about ready to beat you up, it’s time to impress them with a real zinger: “If you try and beat me up, guess what, I won’t do anything about it! So there, fool!

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